What do you do when your life has too many moving parts? When events and things are happening faster than you can imagine? When you know you can’t control one bit of what is happening, even though you are the one who set all this in motion? My life is at that point right now. In the beginning of August, I set into motion a series of events that is changing my life again. Interestingly, my mantra for the past few months in my yoga Nidra class has been SURRENDER.
I am finding that all you can really do is learn to let go. Let go of the past, that I believe defined me, let go of how I should be doing it now, let go of any preconceived notions of what my future should look like, LET GO, SURRENDER! As a type A, (recovering control freak), I want to micro manage every detail of my life. I want to know how it’s going to look, who is going to be in it and where I am ending up before I even let go and moved on from what I am leaving behind. When I have been talking with people and updating them, they ask me questions about my plans, many right now I don’t have answers for them. I tell them my life has too many moving parts and for once I am not in control and I am trusting the fairies and organizers of the universe to put it all in place. I can’t worry about the details and I am learning to surrender.
I have been brought up to be a strong person, to have the exterior of always knowing the answers, being the go to person for anyone who has questions or needs help. For once in my life I don’t have those answers for them or me! I believed that with hard work, determination and planning, I could accomplish anything and I could make shit happen. In a way it has been very freeing, yet very scary. About a year-ago I set intention for FREEDOM in my life (check out that blog here), which got me to this place now. You can’t be free until you surrender, it is only levels of freedom you can achieve. But, to be totally free and experience yourself as free, surrendering is all you can do. As I wrote that, it seemed like a weird statement, because we humans with egos, have looked at surrendering from the masculine perspective, it means giving up some rights, some or all of your power over to someone else. Webster tells us this is what surrender means. The surrendering I am talking is in the spiritual sense, not abdicating your power over to someone outside of yourself.
Whether you are surrendering to your intimate partner in your lovemaking and allowing sensation and feeling to take you or standing in your life looking at the parts and watching them be orchestrated by some unknown force, eventually surrendering is all you can do. In that surrendering there is a huge level of trust. It’s allowing that power to come from you, your inner knowing, your source, your god-self. This is not giving your life up to “God” either or some version of a god that is outside of yourself. Your power will actually grow when you take your hands off the steering wheel. I love that concept from Gary Zukov, in his book Seat of the Soul, of taking your hands off the steering wheel and allowing your life completely into the hands of the universe. The trust you have is that you will be guided to the right choices, the right people, place or things will be presented to you. You are also letting go of the past and not allowing it to influence your in the moment responses. I have always thought it was better for me to be in charge, to make my own decision, to stand on my own two feet and be the strong person I thought I was, what I am finding is that when I surrender, I don’t have to effort, I don’t have push as hard, I don’t have to be determined, things fall into place as I open and surrender. Again, the analogy of being with an intimate partner that you can trust comes to mind, as you open and surrender amazing things can happen.
A few things I am learning about surrendering:
- Surrendering means you are not attached to the outcome.
- Surrendering does not mean you are giving up or not taking action. Many times when you surrender the outcome you are then able to take inspired action.
- Surrendering does not mean you are lazy ( a big one for me, from my family) or weak.
- Surrendering is a natural process if we allow it.
- Surrendering is giving yourself freely without motive or manipulation.
- Surrendering is using compassionate action, to work with instead of working against, it’s keeping your heart and mind open to whatever arises.
- Using affirmations or a mantra, when you head starts the spin of how do I do this, get that done, fix or figure out this, blah, blah. One I am using right now is “I love and accept myself and allow myself to surrender to my higher self, inner knowing and allow the universe to orchestrate the parts.” Another one I use is the mantra, Soham, said as So Hum, which means “I am that” repeated means ” I am that I am” With that meaning all of creation. This allows our thinking mind to relax and stops the downward spiral of thoughts that lower our vibration and create more of what we don’t want
- Learn to listen to the inner voice that only comes when you are quiet. Trust those moments of inspiration, that feeling of love and joy that comes.
- Breathe, using the So Hum mantra will steady your breathing Soooooo is the inhalation, Hummmm is the exhale. By steadying your breathing you relax your rib cage and take deeper breaths which calm the nervous system.
- Relaxation techniques and softening your stomach or systematically relaxing muscles groups starting at your feet and working your way to your head are two quick and easy ways to relax.
- Look for positive outcomes and focus on those
- Getting some kind of body work, massage, cranial sacral, acupuncture, you name it, just something to allow the body to relax and get you out of fight or flight mode.
In the tsunami that is my life right now, I stand in the center of the vortex, in that calm space, waiting for the door or doors to open and for me to step into the flow, where ease and grace take over and I allow the energy to take me. When this does happen, I often wonder, why didn’t I just let go in a first place? Much like a kayaker in the water or a surfer on a wave, you trust and allow the energy to take you were always meant to be!
I would love to hear you comments below on surrendering, what is your experience, what ways have you learned to surrender or not and what is getting in your way if you feel like you can’t surrender. As always I appreciate the dialog we create!